Why does it seem like all of a sudden, the best way to name your child is to just to randomly dump consonants or vowels into a perfectly good name? I sat at work one day and came up with over one hundred different permutations of the name “Madison”. And I have probably seen at least half of those various spellings over the course of my career. It’s like people just reach into a Scrabble tile bag. “Ok child, your name is ‘Zqxugfb’.” Or they toss a handful of corn on a keyboard and let a chicken peck out a moniker. People are naming their kids like some kind of Lovecraftian deity. “Oh, those are my kids Cthulhu and Nyarlathotep. It’s ok– their name are supposed to be unpronounceable to human vocal capabilities.” I know that people want to be creative when naming their child, but if you go naming them something ridangdiculous, they’re never going to be able to find pens or pencils or coffee mugs or key chains with their name on it. They’re gonna have to go with the ones that say “They didn’t have your name”. And I’m not saying that your children will hate you for that, but I am saying that it will definitely be a deciding factor if it comes to choosing you a nursing home.

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