We’re having a bunch of corporate big wigs come and visit us tomorrow. As such, since management thinks all workers are a slovenly hoard of miscreants, we received an email outlining unprofessional things which management has noticed, and which should not be done while the Most Favored and Revered VIPS are among us. These things included:

-No putting feet on desk (I have no idea how this is being accomplished without someone being a contortionist)

-Not wearing shoes at all times. (Ok, yes I take my shoes off at work, but my feet get hot and it’s not like I walk around like that.)

-Workers slouched down in desk chairs.-

I had to wonder why the list was so small, because there are things that we workers do every day which are far more unprofessional. So, I have compiled a list of daily work activities that seem questionable, but that as of yet have flown under management’s radar.

– Hunching over the keyboard, pounding keys and uttering a low but constant stream of profanity.

-Slumping forward, head on arms, weeping softly,

-Staring blankly into the middle distance while contemplating the poor life choices that led to this point.

-Shrieking in pain as we attempt to remove our headsets, which are clinging, bat-like, to our hair.

-Growling demonically at our computer systems’ frequent crashes

-Leaping up out of our desk chair, our fists clenched in our hair, howling wordlessly at the uncaring acoustical tiles and by proxy, the uncaring sky above.

So I guess all those responses are perfectly normal for working in a call center. Perfectly. Normal.